This morning I was working and stopped to get gas. It was in an area of town that is rather sketchy, across the road from a large homeless shelter and soup kitchen. As I was pumping gas a man was rummaging through the garbage bins looking for refundable soda cans. He walked up to the bin closest to me and I said hello to him. He saw this as an opening and this is the conversation that transpired. You can’t make this stuff up.
Me – Good morning.
Man – I am so mad at my son! He left me with this bag to carry and it’s heavy! (It was a black garbage bag.)
Me – Oh, that’s too bad.
Man – Do you know what’s in it?
Me – No, what’s in it?
Man – A dead raccoon!
Me – Oh?
Man – Yes!
He then went out unintelligibly about something that I could not quite understand about it being a female and how she is not going to be having anymore babies. I was trying to figure out exactly how the raccoon came to be dead and why she ended up in a black garbage bag and why he was carrying it around but well, it was downtown and across from a homeless shelter and a soup kitchen. Lest you think me a horrible person it is an area that the police are having a lot of problems wth. It’s not safe. He, however looked harmless enough and there were people around so I wasn’t scared, just cautious.
Me – Oh?
Man – Yup. I’m going to stuff her.
Me – Pardon me?
Man – I’m going to stuff her!
He want on another unintelligible speech. I was still processing the fact he was packing a dead raccoon around in a black garbage bag. I could tell by looking at the bag that it was indeed a dead raccoon. At this point he had finished rummaging in the garbage bin. Me? I was baffled and speechless. He begins to walk away and bids me a good day.
Me – (in a weak voice) Bye. Have a good day.
He then turns back to me and,
Man – Do you know what I have in my backpack?
Good lord. How do I get myself into these conversations?
Me – No. What’s in your backpack?
Man – My dead wife’s death certificate!
Don’t ask if he killed her. Don’t ask if he killed her.
Me – Oh! Um, is that a good,thing or a bad thing?
Man – A good thing! I hated her. She stole half a million dollars from me!
I don’t even remember what happened at this point. I just remember him walking away and looking in the garbage bin the next row over. I should probably check my gas cap because I don’t remember putting it on. I just remember getting in my car and driving away and thinking that I definitely need to blog this one.